The Gutter

September 23, 2013 § 1 Comment

Ever since I was a child, I’ve been relying on signs when decision-making becomes too hard for me. That maybe, the superior being above would send me some kind of hint to which path I am ought to take. Maybe it’s too illogical. Not even trying to weigh the pros and cons. Not listening to pieces of advice good people tell me. Watching out for the slightest movements around me that would make sense to my current situation.

It is so pathetic.. almost depressing. Having complete freedom of will, but still opting to let the universe direct your life because you know full well that both your heart and your mind are very poor dictators of your existence.

Emotions eat you. Countless possibilities pop in your mind making the dilemma all the more difficult. Answers seem to be more of a blur as time progresses. You always persistently decode them, but end up frustrated every time.

And then a sign comes, and instantly you have to struggle through another and even harder ordeal.

This, among all the steps of solving dilemmas, is the most agonizing part–when you had to deal with yourself. You have to force yourself to shut all the objecting thoughts and emotions and tell them that a decision has been made. Hurt is the most intolerable, the strongest of those you have to cease. It just weakens you, and leaves you all trashed up inside.

Forgive me for even ranting about the problems of humankind. I just needed to have my obscure thoughts on its understandable and readable form. It makes me feel better. Some sort of a twisted therapy, I believe.

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§ One Response to The Gutter

  • ricona says:

    I really love the way how you put into words the emotions that run through your heart. Every time I read your entries I always learn a thing or two particularly with the use of better wording to describe certain scenarios. Looking forward to reading more of you work.

    With regards to what you wrote, I do hope you built yourself a stronger heart and mind and not let external factors dictate your move. Judging by what I see about you, you’re a strong young woman, one who’ll be successful and do great in life.

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